Humor Decoded :001

Decoding the Funniest School in Uganda.20200526_182918_0001

Of all the reasons that led you to this article, I hope learning how to be funny is the least. Twitter sparked my interest in this topic, but above all I have assiduously interrogated myself why most alumni of this school are funny. Well if you have watched Disney’s Queen of Katwe, you may easily to fall victim of its cinematic impression.

 

To be honest with you, allow me to start with the Golf Range, isn’t it funny that there is no Ugandan Secondary Schools’ Golf Championship but a certain school has its own range? Well with the help of Coach Eric, I was able to hit a number of balls into the surrounding thick bushes so most of the time I went to play, I spent most of it hunting for the balls I had wasted into the vast grassland. But I can not forget the sense of happiness I felt carrying the golf bags while crossing the girl’s shed.20200526_182602_0000

A random picture of laughing lions.

 

Many of you could counter my thesis with an antagonistic view. And again many of you get irritated when you interact with former students of this College. Amidst all the opinionated views, I can only advise you to triangulate what you listen to.

Well if you haven’t watched the video for yourself, allow me to have a say on the appreciation note the students of valor sent to the King. Despite the uncalled for attention the media drew towards this praise, I can only agree that Impalas sometimes wish Lions ate grass, but I think that’s Jungle Law. Neither do I think that in our world the “survival is for the fittest” attitude holds high but I believe in the power of branding.

 

When I hear the word, “Brand” a lot runs down my spine and if you have attended the school under question, I am sure someone has scrutinized your walking style. I can attribute this to the Stonewalk at the epicenter of this campus. When I had just joined the school, I myself could not withstand tripping continuously, so the resolution was to reduce my walking speed, I hope that reasoning is valid.

 

So how does all this relate to humor. By definition, humor is something strange and surprising. If wearing a white shirt and a red necktie do not remind you of anyone, I guess you are in the wrong place. As I conclude I must accede to the fact that attending this institution is a very humbling experience. I was also once like you, a dangerous opponent to such royalty (The Royal Green) but I must say the freedom that is permitted by the school administration to the students makes the difference. It is very hard to relate to if you went to an institution where you were flogged for failing.

Until my admission, it had never occurred to me that sometimes school teachers can be wrong and insist on dispensing punishment to an innocent student! However staunch of a mindset you may have towards my thinking, I believe that unreasonable punishment of subjects spurs more rebellion, it happened with the Israelites. This kind of freedom challenges the minds of students to carry a weightier opinion in the Disciplinary Committee. I guess that privilege accounts for the founding of great law firms in our country to a certain degree.

There’s so much power in the ability to choose, when I entered the walls of this institution, I can testify that giving students the power to make their own decisions as opposed to administrators having the final say plays a big role in fostering a creative mindset.

Another humorous thing about this school is, no one forces you to read. At this point the survival principle comes into play therefore such student led initiative propels decision making and self discipline. In my own assumption, this degree of liberty transmutes a DNA of life values such as fear of the Most High, bravery for truth, integrity, and excellence. What more do you want me to say?

 

Pursuit Of Happyness.

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My Version!

It’s been a while since I read my last book, now three days of idea generation. I have this thing I call a boot camp. Of course I copied it from my University’s Entrepreneurship Centre where we spend like 24 hours building good business ideas, now when I’m part of something like that I feel like I’m going to school. One of the best lecturers I have met is Mr. Jimmy Moses Otim, he speaks like an investor, mentor and someone who knows what he is doing. Of all the lectures I have attended, he is so far the only lecturer that I’ve seen students follow with insightful questions after his presentation.

 

I have honestly tried journaling, it’s such a good habit that I have not yet mastered it. I once saw a friend who had a series of books containing her past decade. I was impressed. I have a notebook where I write something everyday. I also use twitter as a way to preserve the nice thoughts I have when I’m in the shower.

 

I talked about journaling because today would be another beautiful day in my life. I woke up to find an email where I had received a scholarship worth seventeen thousand dollars to attend an Accelerator program, to be frank even after getting such a large offer my hope lies in Yahweh Elohim’s mysterious ways. I think His personality is not one I can question because it’s truly mysterious.

 

So you probably rushed to this page expecting to read something similar to Christopher Gardner’s life story, I’m no broker but I have an appetite for buying shares in companies. If you have been an ardent follower of this blog, I have mentioned my interest in acquiring 1% of Stanbic Bank Uganda. I got the idea when I was talking to my stock broker when I had just started trading.

 

I have watched this movie, “Pursuit of Happyness” a number of times but each time I watch it, I want to watch it again. I recently shared my obsession on my status only to get a response from a friend I have worked with for fairly a year and he was like “its because that guy is like you.” It hit me hard, because I’m still trying to figure it out.

 

The first job I had where I was working for a recruitment agency was never one I found difficult. At least one thing I remember is all of us in the office carried Iphones, until mine dropped after a month of starting to work. It was in my senior six vacation, the hunger to leave home was urgent, so was the desire to wear neckties and show everyone at home that I was a busy person, a grown up.

 

It all unravelled before my eyes when I noticed my expenditures reduce while my frequency to use public transport hiked. Gone were the days of taking an Uber or a Safeboda to work and now I had to compete with the sunlight to catch the early morning taxi to be at work.

 

At the time I used to hang out with a friend called Bade, we had started supplying vegetables to huge restaurants, I would sneak out at lunch time only to walk through Parliament avenue to make it to Capital Kitchen to meet the Purchase Manager who was weighing our onions. Life was not bad at all, I had dreams of even supplying Cafe Javas. When I would hang out with friends, I would ask “Have you been at Capital Kitchen recently?” If the response was a positive, I would exclaim in a teasing tone “You have given me some money!”

 

My partner and I wanted to grow, so at the time I was more aligned to introducing potatoes to these restaurants. It was not so long before I realised that most of our restaurants, if not all, are Indian owned/managed. When I entered the potato trade I had a vision to supply frozen chips around supermarkets, I was quick to launch my startup and even bought a chips-cutter and I named my company “Buckate”. On my commute I noticed the ladies in the market who sold peeled Irish and that was my motivation.

 

Since I could not afford workers, I was my own manager and employee. Trust me it never went well. I had a full time job and each time I came back home I was welcomed by a sack of potatoes to peel. I realised my consistency had failed me. So I kept my machine somewhere I could see it everyday to remind me that I have to keep trying.

 

I think I know why Fareedh said that the movie’s plot is a familiar one. One thing I mastered was walking. I used to get so intrigued by the concept that Kampala’s Metropolitan was small, I would walk through MacKinnon Road only to exit through Lumumba Avenue. On days like public holidays, I would wear some luxurious casual and explore a number of car bonds. There’s one called ” Status Luxury Cars” I had memorized their patterns for display so I knew the days for the Mercedes cars.

 

When the day came, I dressed up like I owned some real estate and made my way to the automatic entrance. I was intentional on keeping it classy, I wore white bottoms and my original polo shirt. I don’t remember whether I carried my sunglasses but I honestly did not know how to drive. So when the guide came around he gave me a chance to switch on the engines. If someone looked at my face, one could tell by my questions about the engine types and acceleration that my diction was similar to that of a formula one racer. Long story cut short, when I dream, I always want to have an experience of what it is like. Have I ever talked about the time I sat in a $150,000 Volvo? Let’s leave that for another day.

 

I wrote this for all those that may want to ask me through interviews what my life was before whatever it shall be then. One thing I have enjoyed about blogging is that, when my kids ask me to tell them stories, I’ll just open my WordPress and it shall be very easy.

What makes me happy?

This is the last day of the #ugblogmonth challenge. It has also been responsible for some degree of happiness during lockdown.

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I would say listening to jazz music, I like the sound of musical instruments. Genuinely I would be very happy if I played my part in the universe that I believe is to make things happen. I know no one makes things happen by themselves. So helping others achieve their God ordained purpose and help them fulfill it is what brings joy to me.

 

I get so sad to see people wake up on Monday morning only to curse the day because it is the first day of the week of their job. But I think that’s where we all get it wrong, we get jobs and not work. So what’s the difference, work is fulfilling and job is something we do for the paycheck. You will ask me, “Isn’t the whole purpose of going to work to earn a living?” That I do not disagree with, but you can also agree with me that if you viewed your work as an assignment that you are here on Earth to accomplish, your effort and performance will all change because the cause is greater than you.

 

I am very happy when I see people do things they enjoy. If it is cleaning the floor, be the best at it, if it is driving learn all the tricks and be the best you can be. My joy sounds artificial but it’s genuine, only fulfilling work makes the worker happy, seeing others happy makes me happy.

Thank you Uganda Blogging Community!

Childhood Memory!

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I have shared lots of memories in the previous posts. Today I’ll choose one that I consider one of my most valuable. I did not have the privilege of attending day school except nursery school. My first school was not very far from where I used to stay so I had the opportunity to listen to tales that fed me with a lot of informal story telling. My narrator, none other than my grandmother, followed her story line with great ebullience.

 

In today’s world not many children get the chance to hear such stories from parents because of the early morning rush or some spend a majority of their time in boarding school.

 

My narrator was very selective in her legends. She spoke with great ease about a number of revolutionaries through the metaphor of the Hair and the Lion. O’lugelo is the word (meaning proverb or story) , this is the moment I anticipated most during my commute.

 

As my juice box bounced in my colored bag and my shoes covered in the morning loam, my eyes gleamed with great interest and the mystery behind the composition of these stories was my morning assignment during class as I replayed the story to my classmates only that this time, silence and sound effects filled up the scenes that escaped my memory during my narrative.

 

Something I wish people stopped doing!

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This topic is also equally interesting, I’ve heard this somewhere “We see others how we see ourselves.” When I joined my first boarding school, there was a fancy game we all used to play, it was more like a “Need for speed” only that this time it was us racing the cars (Hot Wheels) by rotating them around the border of the school roundabout which was also the Weather station. This place was the epicenter of the school as it joined both the staffroom, senior block and some dormitories. To clarify this, if you were cruising your toy car at this point everyone could see you. It was actually considered illegal to cruise these cars on the cement pavement that guarded this meteorological arena, so all teachers punished whoever did this act of destruction with a heavy lashing. What was even more compelling was the fact that it was illegal to enter the station but for some reason I always wanted to enter it. As my friends and I rode our newly purchased toy cars from Mr. Kinene we always asked ourselves “What’s in that white box?” we made up all kinds of fantasies “may be that is where snakes hide”. For we knew not what the purpose of Stevenson Screen was, but our curiosity gave us the power to explore utopian myths which led me into one of my earliest expeditions.

 

Long before my parents bought me my first solid car, I remember making soap cars, more like Benzes made out of soap. You must be wondering “how?” I could stack two minibars of Mukwano soap and use a stick to join them, then I would also collect bottle tops from leftover cans, pin them and add holes that would act as my tyres then I would leave it in the afternoon sun to consolidate. The end result was the joy of cruising my own car and I always told one of my closest friends that one day I shall own a car business.

 

It is ironic how almost sixteen years down the road,I have not yet even bought my first car. Definitely I’m interested in Electric Vehicles, my assiduous dream could lead me to get Tesla’s first dealership in Africa once I give more thought to it. So what’s the value of all the three stories I have just illustrated.

 

I wish people continue criticizing other people’s dreams and I wish that the dreamers embrace the criticism and use it to iterate their ideas and put their thoughts into action. If you are my friend you shall notice that I am a big dreamer, I always set up a challenge and I shall speak about it until all those that were against me, regret having opposed me. But I’m thankful for all that criticism. It helped me build my first car, it led me to jump into the weather station to see what was in the Stevenson Screen, it birthed my curiosity to read about Shaka Zulu which boosted my passion for history that fueled a burning desire to learn how things are made which made me hate the status quo. I sound like a rebel, my point, I wish people who have big dreams understand that everyone dreams, but a few take the initiative to act upon the status quo and that is how we inspire evolution, Boldness.

My initial purpose for writing this piece was to tell people to stop discouraging others but I would like to encourage people to continue and to those who are discouraged,”iterate but always have the dream you had in the beginning.”

 

Letter to future me.

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Dearest future me,

Well I do not know which part of my phase I’m writing to but whenever you read this I hope it’s relevance never fades. Do you still kiss her goodbye before going to save the world? I mean your other half. Prayer is the only place where you can consolidate what you have no control over, I hope it’s a discipline. How about them, have you taught them the ways of the Lord ? You’d better. I hope you still know the difference between busy and productive and that each that goes by not everything has to always go as planned.

Continue to break norms and defy boundaries, use hacks such as meritocracy and idiosyncrasy to be effective.  Dreams are dangerous because they get you out of the comfort zone. So dream a lot more but be ready to execute! Sometime you have to be patient like the bamboo farmer.

Whatever it is that you are planning to do, Just do it! Of course timing is essential. Have no fear but only that for the Lord, stay Hungry, stay Foolish and always be humble. By that I mean embrace radical open mindedness and remember that there’s always someone working on something better, so if you’re ever going to do anything, always be open to feedback and iterate. Time is precious, so is family and so is living for something other than self. 

Yours,

Young you.

If I won the lottery!

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If you have not wished to, you have been around someone who has always wanted to win the lottery. This takes me back to a childhood scene when I wished to own a radio watch, the entire idea was to have an illegal watch in school so that I could listen to some music that wasn’t the staccato of an aging priest. All things seemed to work out for my good, it was not long before I picked up a twenty thousand shilling note on a random class meeting. By the way it was also illegal to hold money, so I had to keep my secret to myself as I contemplated between choosing to buy doughnuts across the school fence or to possess the Radio watch. After all, money did not hold its expected intrinsic value in such an educational environment.

 

My next opportunity to acquire this item came in handy when Mr. Kinene the toy merchant was present on “Visitation Day”. I bought it, I was now on top of my game, everyone knew I had something they didn’t have. I was soon to become the target of many envious individuals and therefore my possession was freed from its original owner to someone that put in more hard work in acquiring it.

 

If I won the lottery, I am not saying I shall sign off the check to a nursing home and support diseased individuals. This occurred recently when I was admitted to a program that needed me to pay $12,000 for four weeks and here I was smiling with my relatives to meet this expense. Earlier this year, my curiosity led me to calculate my annual college expense and I realised that even though I added monthly trips to the Rwenzori, the total cost does not cross $3,000. So if I won the lottery depending on its size, I would not use it to pay for this dear program. I have always wanted to win a prize for contributing to society, as if I do. But winning the lottery would help me launch a competition to identify an entrepreneur in the community that can replicate it into more money which I shall invest in different financial commodities. This gives me a chance to spread the risk and also an opportunity to later support a number of individuals that can not afford to attend school or have a meal.

 

Let me hope the UgBlogging Team did not set this up with a lottery award because…! Also if you have watched Bow Wow’s movie, “Lottery Ticket” you’ll understand what I mean. 

Religious or Political Views.

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Well if the two topics can not be separated then my reasoning can be qualified, Religitics. I have no say on this topic. But I can agree that there’s a clear distinction between religion and faith. These are my views.

 

On politics, I think we need a more collaborative process for our leaders. I would agree that if we have an institution that can prepare all those that wish to venture into politics then it would be a good pick. I agree with the idea of meritocracy, whereby those with believability have the opportunity to make informed decisions. Just imagine if our politicians added an extra bonus like a one year or six month program where they are equipped with critical thinking skills, management, they engage in case studies on their areas which they represent and also get the latest knowledge on how to solve issues. I believe that small adjustment can propel us forward.

 

On religion, I guess I shall focus on how our politics should have God at the centre of it all. Now many of you think I am advocating for a one sided government. Not at all, I believe that everyone has a role to play in this world. Part of that is that we need a system that no longer manufactures all students into the same commodity but helps them identify what they are good at so that they can pursue that discipline.

 

On both, I think understanding what each line they take shall help us shape our society. I really do not have a lot to write on this. I am definitely advocating for a Mentorship Class for our leaders.

 

 

10 years from now.

 

20200504_005620_0000Well, after reading about the law of attraction and also learning from proverbs I can only testify that as a man thinketh, so he is. Not so shall he be! Of course if I’m going to become something I am thinking, I should be able to think big, because I want to write a story that not everyone has heard or witnessed. As I write these 10 years I picked them up from my dream chart.

 

2020

When this year was commencing I said I shall have my name appear in New Vision’s top 40 under 40, a more likely way for me to be on the Forbes 100 list later in life. This was once a goal I wanted to pursue but I have come to realize the world is too big for me to only be thinking about myself. So instead of looking at being at some list for recognition, why not just be a part of doing something bigger than myself. This year saw the commencement of Kairos Energy, a start up I have set my eyes on with a goal to design innovative energy solutions for households. This year found our first product Bricket in households, I hope to be able to contribute towards reducing Uganda’s deforestation from ten trees per hour down to at most four.

 

2021

Someone wanted to run for Guild President, that’s a lot of responsibility. I’m giving it a hard thought. It can also be breaking to administer those many people but I guess that’s all part of the test for greater numbers, if you can not be trusted with less who shall trust you will much?

 

2022

By the end of this year I shall be done with my Bachelor’s. I hope to release my first short film by this time, at least I have already worked on some parts of the storyline already. I shall continue to refine it, till  it’s meaningful. Pixar does it, why would I not do it.

 

2023

This is my year of investment, I hope to be able to acquire 1% of stock in Stanbic Bank. Not to earn from this as a source of income, I just enjoy being a part of things. The fuss of attending meetings in suits, though I am not a fun of  wearing suits because it can get sweaty on some days. I also plan to do a number of investments in land and soon start planning for how to get my MBA or another course in an interesting field.

 

2024

This should find me on my journey to Harvard Business School (HBS). I was unsuccessful in obtaining the supposedly “free-to-be” program on Disruptive Innovation that I was admitted to recently, simply because I could not spend USD 1600. I hope my stay there is part of my journey to understand the field of Entrepreneurship. At least I would also want to publish a research paper on African businesses especially about those in Kikuubo. Up to date, I am intrigued by how these enterprises fuel our economy. I know I do not need to go to HBS to finish that, I just like their teaching method, and I want the world to know about my country’s business acumen through a top notch University.

 

2025

I hope to acquire some stock in Apple. By now Apple Inc shall have developed its medical arm. I honestly want to contribute towards something that Steve Jobs started, he was an awesome guy. During this time I also want to go back to my high schools and fund some projects. I hope our National Education Curriculum should have adjusted. I plan to also move into my own house, if it is necessary. By necessary I mean that if my schedule can not allow me to do house chores in a house I do not own. I always want to be contributing.

 

2026

Kairos energy should be launching a ground breaking product. I also do not know what it is going to be doing, all I know we are going to be saving more lives. If we are not ending malaria then we shall have invented something in nuclear energy.

 

2027

I want to eat from a Michelin star restaurant, I hope it is Chef Jonathan Kawuma’s. I hope Spain will be welcoming visitors, I want to spend like half a year exploring this culture. I also want to contribute to Ugandan arts, if I have not built a library for Sooo Many Stories, one of the places where I volunteer to read stories to young children, I want to have started supporting young poets and writers.

 

2028

I shall be planning my private life and what happens after 2030 into more details. Probably I will write a similar blog.

 

2029

I want to buy shares in Berkshire Hathaway. I shall use my dividends to support tree-growing across dry areas of the country. If Kairos Energy is not investing in Wind Energy then probably we shall be in Solar. Or even in the business of Electric Vehicles, I’m kidding about the last bit.

 

2030

I shall be thinking about Marriage and my next movie. I hope it is with Marvel Entertainment.

 

Now I did not talk about my first car or when I’m going to travel the world, that’s not my focus. Well, this journey is one I have entirely written off my dream chart. I believe the greatest tragedy in life is one without purpose. My mission statement is “To make meaningful things happen.” I remember telling this to my aunt and she said I want to do so many things. But honestly I see like the above is so little for ten years. I keep on editing of course. I think what makes life easy, is the law of correspondence, “Your outer world eventually becomes a reflection of your inner world.”

 

If I were to choose any job in the world!

20200503_013314_0000If I were really into getting a job. If you asked me this question a while ago, I would say a partnership with Marvel. My answer today shall not be any different. Only that this time my choice would be “Walt Disney Company’s C.E.O”. I also can’t believe I just placed such a huge bet.

 

I have done some background research about Bob Iger who has been the former owner of that position, I am yet to read his biography “A ride of a Lifetime”. Now don’t ask me what I would do once I become the C.E.O, if I definitely ever pursue this interest, the first thing I would do would be to reinvent African storytelling. So why not just become Disney’s head of Africa’s Office? I am not being biased, it’s just that Africa has a lot of stories to tell, most of them being passed on informally but they are treasures.

 

You know when you are in charge of Disney, you have to oversee ESPN, Marvel, Lucas Film, Pixar and 21st Century Fox and a number of theme parks and resorts. To work amidst all that creative talent and trading one precious commodity, story telling. I would love to do that. It also comes with a lot of responsibility and teamwork. It would be a fun place to work. Focusing on the three fundamental pillars of strategic vision: generating the best creative content possible; fostering innovation and utilizing the latest technology; and expanding into new markets around the world is something I would enjoy doing.